Underneath Our Skin
by Annie-marie6
Summary: What if being an insecure neurotic control freak on crack had more consequence than the show let on? What everyone picking Elena had more repercussions than previously explained? Or where Caroline's constant refusals to Klaus are actually a product of having zero self-worth.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is just a little writing exercise. Hopefully it'll get me back into updating my other fic's again. I'm not sure if this will be a multi-chapter fic. I might just leave it as a one-shot. Bold writing are bad thoughts. Enjoy, and if you want more let me know.**

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Chapter 1 – Caroline's P.O.V

I couldn't figure it out. Klaus was standing there, acting against his nature once again - for me, offering me the world, and looking so damn sad when I didn't take it. **Yeah well we both know that you don't deserve it anyway.** I wasn't sure what my mouth let out on autopilot, only that it was scathingly bitchy and if directed at anyone other than the antique hybrid standing in front of me - totally freaking appropriate. This was usually the point where he leaves. Bitter and disappointed, it was the way this would usually end. **Because that is exactly what you deserve.** Today it didn't. Today, his eyes glowed golden and he pushed his way into my space.

"Why can you ever just bloody believe me?" he snarled in frustration and so close we could share a breath, "Why can't you ever just listen to what I say and acknowledge that I mean it." I heard him, but it sounded like he was underwater. **I have ears, was I really so useless I couldn't even use them?** So focus, I thought trying to corral myself into some semblance of functioning.

 _Concentrate on 5 things you can see._

Klaus. The way his leather jacket wrinkled around the tension in his body. Golden eyes that faded into blue and widened with something I couldn't name. The darkness of night that didn't bother my vampire senses. A muted blue that clouded my vision. His shirt, and the necklaces around corded around his throat that had suddenly become eye-level. **Too dumb to even recognise he'd even moved, sounds about right.**

 _5 things that you can hear._

Wind. A faint rustle across my skin. Chirping of insects that both crawled and jumped. The steady garbling noise that had formed a rhythm that tapped away with my beating heart. The longer I listened the closer to something recognisable it became, like something I should recognise even half dead. Five, my own hysterical laughter when I realised it was just Klaus shouting my name. **See? Blatant stupidity, and a bad name to blondes everywhere.**

 _3 things I can smell._

Blood. Of course it was blood. His. Mine. Pumping away underneath our skin. **And you can't have that either.** The smell of a rain storm on a hot day, Klaus himself, and desperation. Salt too, but that was four.

 _1 thing I am touching._

Klaus, and needless to say I ripped myself away from him like he was fire and I'd been swimming in gasoline. **Don't get attached, he's leaving as soon as he realises that you're not what he's seeing when he looks at us.** The amount of force I'd had to use had me staggering backwards and almost snapping the thin white heels that I was counting on to keep me upright. As I took the couple of wobbly steps almost skidding backwards.

 _And 1 thing that I can feel._

Hopeless panic. I couldn't hear properly, couldn't think anymore, and could barely breathe through the typhoon of feelings swirling around me. **Could you be any more of a burden?** A blurry image of him holding his hands out in front of him in some kind of surrender shook in front of me, and he backed up. I think, I couldn't tell.

"Why?" I let out in a shattered breath, "Why are you doing this to me?" **Like it's his fault, like it's anybody else's fault but mine.** Underneath my skin was tingling so bad that it made me want to throw up. Stomach rolling, it felt as if I'd been left in boiling water too long, or my skin was too tight for my body. I wanted to pick at it. Clenching my fists and relaxing them just as quickly to fight the impulse to peel away my skin and let whatever rotting horror show that was trapped underneath it be exposed for the world to see. **Then I'd be broken on the outside too then.** I was still letting out breathless giggles, and the salt I'd smelt earlier made itself known in the crystal tears dripping from my tricks. **Damn. Couldn't even do that right**. Couldn't even keep my tears for somewhere more appropriate, somewhere alone where nobody would be bothered by them. **Such a screw up.** Slowly his voice started to tune in, and it sucked how soothing it was.

"Caroline," he called in a ragged voice, and I finally heard him. **Idiot, you're hurting him.**

"Yeah?" I panted out, swallowing and scrubbing at my cheeks furiously. **Just get through this, and try to be an actual functioning person. You'll fail, just like at everything else, but just try.** His raspy inhale as I spoke was filled with such relief that I felt guilt. Gnawing horribly and unrelentingly in my gut. I could run. I wanted to run. I wanted it so bad my toes curled in my shoes and begged to let me leg it into the wilderness, where no one would find me. **If you were lucky,** but I knew without a doubt that he would both follow and outlast any distance I could put between the two of us. **Now there was nothing left for me to do but fuck things up.**

"Do what sweetheart?" he asked hesitantly, "I don't… tell me what I did so I can stop." The soft urging behind it had me desperately wanting to crumple. **It's always me. Why does anyone ever think it's not me?** I sucked my top lip into my mouth and bit at it, swallowing back whatever words that would inevitably make this worse with teeth. I had no idea how or why, just that if I spoke I would. **No matter what I say, it will make it worse. Why I was even allowed to speak? No clue. Why did I even had the ability to talk at all in the first place?** Except the longer I went without answering, the more it upset him. **And that was my fault too.**

"Can't you see?" I finally said looking at him blearily, "You don't use your eyes, and if you did you wouldn't keep asking." **No he wouldn't, but your tricking him because you're too pathetic and useless that you can't handle telling him the truth.** A frown crossed his face, and I stared blankly at the skin that crinkled around his eyes. The moments that stretched on after the words had been let out felt like a blanket of suffocating heat pooling in my lungs, and the air so bitterly cold that I almost couldn't stand waiting for the silence to be broken.

"Asking what?" he said and I hated the softness of his tone. Trying gentleness to get some sort of sense out of me. As if he were trying to sooth a crazy person. **Sums us up in a nutshell.** I took a shaky breath and tried to remain standing, and wasn't that a freaking hell of a lot harder than it should have been.

"You don't want me to come and see the world with you," I said in an even a tone as I could manage, "You don't want what you keep offering, not really." **Best to tell him. Alone is all I've earned.** He looked furious. Killing mad, actually, and all directed at me and the words he was so pissed I dared to say out loud. **If he kills me, at least he'll be free.** So I didn't move. Maybe it could be over.

"Don't really want? Are you bloody kidding me love? It's all I want. Have I not proven that I would give anything to keep you?" he yelled stalking forwards and snatching my arms in a tight grip, "Why won't you… I want it. I want _you,_ so much that I can scarcely stand it, cannot stop myself from coveting you even if I wanted to." **He's not looking at me, if he did he wouldn't want me at all - let alone like this.**

"But I'm just me," I cried out and the fingers that were digging into my arms so hard that I could feel my bones slowly be crushed in wells of dull pain loosened, "Whatever you dream up when you look at me isn't real. I promise, okay? I promise I'm not doing this on purpose. I'm not trying to trick you, but you're just so blind. Can't you see I'm just me?" His eyes widened with a sort of horrified realisation creeping in slowly. **Good, maybe he might leave now. Find someone who doesn't lie just by existing.**

"And what?" Klaus snapped both out of it, and at me. Whatever thought that was beginning to form being stomped out by anger. "Somehow you think you don't deserve me?" He pushed in sarcastic irritation.

"Of course I don't," I yelled back, "Of course I don't deserve you. I'm just me. If you could just _see_ me then you'd realise. One day you'll notice, can't we just do it now? Can't I just get it over with?" His eyes slid closed briefly and when they opened, the glistened with unshed tears. **I hurt him again. Such a fucking moron. Can't do anything right.** My breathing had turned into sharp pants of pain, knifing me in the lungs with every inhale. Oh god, why couldn't just have run?

"Caroline," he said steadily even though his hands were shaking nearly as bad as my entire body, "Sweetheart, you are amazing. Why would you think that you were anything other than worth it?" **Wrong.** **Lies** **. Misguided.**

" **Because I don't matter** ," I shouted flinching in so much pain that I hit the ground, " **I'm** _ **not**_ **enough. I'm** _ **never**_ **enough. I'll never** _ **be**_ **enough**. You can't keep offering me… you can't. I _can't._ " My head ached and I hurt. Barely holding myself upright, the vampire whoosh made think for a second what tiny shreds of dignity I had left were being spared, but instead his arms were wrapped around me and he was so warm as he pressed me as tightly to him as he could. I didn't fight, **out of sheer weakness.**

"Why can't I?" he murmured into my head and I could feel wetness soaking into my scalp, "Why should I not offer everything _I_ think you are owed?" Oh god, I was done. There was nothing left but the truth.

"Because I want it," I sobbed into his chest, "I want it _bad_."

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 **So what did you think? Any good, I'm a lot out of practice. A little OOC, but that was the point.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is just a fun little thing to pass the time. Enjoy and feel free to leave me reviews if you have suggestions, because this doesn't really have a plot. I'm just making it up as I go. Lol.**

Chapter 2

I woke up in a bed. Not mine, and considering the last thing I remember was a forest floor my stomach rolled violently. Sick and ashamed to of realise that I had cried until I passed out. **Pathetic.** I didn't know where I was, and as I tried to move began to recognise the reason I wasn't going anywhere. An arm slung securely over my waist and pulling me into his chest.

"Klaus," I near growled, fighting the impulse to elbow him as he snuffled deeper into my neck like an overgrown puppy. His only saving grace was that he'd slept on top of the super snuggly covers, and I had been tucked underneath them. **Your saving grace you mean, otherwise you'd be too weak to leave.** "Damn it Klaus, get off me," I said louder trying to wriggle away even though I knew I didn't have a prayer of shifting him if he didn't want to be shifted. The whine he let out as sleepy eyes opened, was adorable. **Like you're brave enough to admit that.**

"Five more minutes," he muttered blowing out an unhappy sigh. So I did elbow him. He grunted and flopped on his back. Curls becoming even more of a mess as they splayed against the pillow.

"Are you a werewolf?" I asked scathingly, "Because as cuddly as you are, I'm thinking octo-puppy." There was a startled huff of stifled amusement. **Get out of the bed stupid.** I didn't want to though. It was so warm, and smelled like him. The stormy scent making me want to bury my face in the pillow and fall back into blissful sleep. Or sink my fangs deep into his veins, I wasn't sure which was more dangerous. **Get. Out. Now.**

"Cute," he muttered scrunching his nose up in distaste before his entire face smooth with seriousness and his tone brooked no argument, "Now, explain." **This is a cluster-fuck waiting to happen.**

"I shouldn't even be here," I scoffed at him sharply even though I hadn't budged the tinniest bit, "Shouldn't you be terrorising Stefan some more?" He moved before I could think to stop him. Hand gently brushing my cheek, and I was sucked into his head. Thank god, the warmth of his rough palm made me want to lean into it. **And I can't have that.** Last night played out in my head.

 _Guilt and crippling helplessness at the sight of my tears. My chest heaving in effort to keep breathing. Shock, horror and the urge to kill anything that had done that to me. Fear at the moment I'd asking him why, because he didn't want that. Didn't mean to make me feel like that. Anger when I said he didn't mean it. Pain at the idea that I thought he was lying. Pain that paled in comparison to the truth. How he felt when I clicked once he was told, in no uncertain terms, that I'm what's wrong. The way that me sobbing into his chest made him willing to die to make it stop, and the way he calmly accepted the shocking epiphany that he was really so far gone. He couldn't understand how I would think that, could think that, anymore that I could believe that he didn't._

 _It flashed out as quickly as it had been pressed on me. The layers of blankets that had felt so warm, had suddenly gone cold with the realisation that I was probably hurting the only person who really gave a damn about me. **Nice work, really Caroline. Gold fucking star.**_

"Explain," he said huskily with unshed tears in his tone. So I showed him my recollection of last night, and he shoved his feet under the covers, scrambling into the warmth that I'd created but could no longer feel. **Hey look, you can screw up more than usual.** "As insightful as that was love, that wasn't what I meant," Klaus whispered, talking both of my hands in his and rolling so we faced each other, "If that is the reality of your life, then you do a very good job at hiding it from view. What caused the loss of that stanch defiance and left you so hurt that you let me of all people in?" I tried for flippant. **Because we are** **totally** **believable, even at the best of times.**

"Because, apparently, you care," I said exasperatedly, and I knew my tone was nasty. Knew but couldn't help it, and wouldn't apologise. **He's seen you weak enough at this point. No need to be more pathetic than usual.**

"As opposed to which one of your insignificant little friends that were supposed to actually be a friend and let you down, once again?" Klaus shot back with venom. I opened my mouth and then closed it again. **See what happens when you speak, people you're supposed to care about are in danger now.** After a few moments of silence I spoke.

"Stop trying to be clever," I shot back at him. **It's not clever when you're a misleading liar.**

"A voice so scathing and venomous, belittling you until you are trapped in your own head and unable to do anything but listen and accept the words that spill from them as nothing short of truth? That takes years to form, trust me," he said and the darkening of his words on the last two words made me shiver, "Multiple people, saying every terrible thing until you can believe it. Until you can't do anything but believe it. Is it really trying to be clever, if actually – you're succeeding?" I didn't look at his face, instead I kept my gaze fixed on our hands. Twined together with fingers overlapping in a pattern, and I only just realised that I hadn't pulled away. **Idiot.**

"What does it even matter to you?" I huffed, gums aching at the fresh rain smell that had soaked the bedding and the entire freaking room actually, trying to not turn into a crazy person. **Too late bitch.**

"Because you're right Caroline, I care," he replied simply, "So much I can't stand it. So much that. It. Hurts." The pained hiss that the word 'hurts' came out as… it made me hurt. Kinda also made me want to make the person responsible for it hurt too, and oh wait that was me. **Genius move. Really, super smart.**

"I don't want you to hurt," I admitted before I could think better of it.

"Tell me then," he whispered squeezing my hands, "Holding yourself at an arm's length from me to protect yourself from me is one thing. To do so to protect me is a different one entirely. Just… pick me, I promise I'll do the rest." He didn't understand that it wasn't fair, wasn't fair to him and I wanted better for him than that. **Then maybe you should find someone less broken for him to be in love with.**

"You wouldn't be able to let me go Klaus. I know that. If I picked you even just once, you'd find me however far I went. Follow me for eternity. There would be nowhere I could run, and nothing I could do that would ever, ever make you stop holding on to me. I'd never be free, never," I said in a dazed rasp, "All I'd have to do is consent once, and you'd keep me, against all odds and arguments like some kind of treasured belonging that you refuse to live without. You wouldn't just be in my life, you'd fill every little bit of it." **The tough girl act is fucking adorable.** He shot upwards, pulling us both into a sitting position and stared into my eyes, before his fingers tightened around mine and a conviction so strong that it made me tired just looking at his glazed over his blue gaze.

"Yes," he told me firmly, "Yes. I promise, I promise you Caroline. To all of it, I swear." My hands shook in his, and my response was either so faint that I barely heard it, or that or I was about to faint.

"You're supposed to argue, and tell me all the ways I'm wrong," I stuttered out, "That you'd never do that to me." He growled softly. Something fluttered in my chest but I couldn't really put a name to it. **Hope's for suckers.**

"Promise that I won't always be there? That I won't hold on to you with everything that I've got? Tell you that it's okay, of course I won't want you around forever? Say that eventually there is a point that you become expendable? That you should ever be forced to be alone, when there is someone who would consider it an honour to be by your side?" Klaus rumbled and shook his head, "No. Caroline, not even for a single second will I lie to you about that. Particularly when you list everything you've ever wanted as negatively as you can, so you may have another reason to run away."

"Stop it," I hissed, "Stop…" He cut me off.

"Stop actually seeing you? Never," he replied just as strongly and I didn't say anything in return. Just tried to look anywhere else than at him, and the sincerity dripping off him in waves. The stretching silence eventually became to drawn out and he broke it sadly. "Oh sweetheart, it has been far too long since anyone has paid you the proper attention you deserve hasn't it?" he asked softer than before. I couldn't… I didn't know what to do with this, how to handle something like this at all. **I just didn't deserve it.**

"Why?" I asked him, and I hated every part of the lost sound I could hear echoing through the empty corners of the room.

"Because I want it," he said in a tone that sounded every bit as lost as my own with eyes about to overflow with tears, "I want it bad."

 **There wasn't supposed to be more, lol. Now I have no choice but to keep writing, thy muse demands it. So what do you think? I know I'm not getting anywhere action-wise but I promise that it'll pick up.**


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